EUGENE: What am I trying to HIDE?! What am I … I’m not trying to HIDE anything! Look at me!
[EUGENE tears off his shirt.]
Look! My entire body is covered with spots! Spots of every conceivable shape and size! Big spots! Small spots! Short spots! Tall spots! I have a spot the shape of Italy on my back! And another one ... I ... I know it sounds crazy, but ... I’d swear it’s the virgin Mary! On my ... ahh ... on my ... I’m not comfortable talking about this with you! I’d like to see the doctor! I’m a very sick man! There is something horribly, horribly wrong with me, and I’ve come to you for help! Can’t you just help me?! Isn’t that why you’re here?! To help people who are sick?!
[The NURSE glares at EUGENE for a moment—then makes some notes in his chart.]
What ... ahh ... what are you writing?
[The NURSE continues to write, scribbling violently in EUGENE’s chart.]
You know, I ... I can’t help but feel we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot somehow. I’d like to apologize if I’ve offended you in any way or ... or made your job more difficult. That was certainly not my intent. It’s just that I ... I’m very concerned about these spots! I’m not normally like this. Normally, I’m very relaxed. Very laid back. Really! Water off the back—all that! You can ask my wife, she’ll tell you. But these spots ... they ... they’ve gotten under my skin! It’s almost ... I know this may sound a little crazy ... but it’s almost like they’re alive! Like they’ve got a mind of their own! They come and go as they please, pop up in the most inconvenient places, torment me for a while, make little pictures, signs, sometimes they almost seem to spell out words! And then they vanish without a trace! As if they were never there at all! For weeks, my wife didn’t believe me! She thought I’d gone insane! Every time I tried to show her, they’d disappear! But as soon as she turned her back, they’d rear their ugly little heads! Twice as many as before! It’s like they’re toying with me! Little microscopic invaders playing games with my mind!